Last April, our beautiful Florida beaches were given a not-so-subtle reminder that things are not always what they seem. People were told to steer clear of the ocean due to the unsavory presence of feces. Forget about avoiding a colossal shark, be advised to keep their distance from...well, you know.
It turns out our nation's beaches are swimming in more than just fun and sun. According to the New York Post, over half of our beloved beaches are contaminated with...poop! Yes, you heard that right, poop and sewage are turning our waters into a not-so-refreshing bowl of toilet soup.
A staggering 55% of the 3,100 beaches tested last year had fecal contamination that reached unsafe levels. That's enough to make any beachgoer think twice before taking that majestic dive into the ocean. And if you thought Texas was all about big hats and bigger barbecues, think again. Their beaches ranked among the worst, with a whopping 90% of them deemed unsanitary.
But it's not just the Lone Star State that's in deep...well, you know. The Gulf Coast, West Coast, and the Great Lakes all had their fair share of contaminated shores. In fact, the Gulf Coast took the top prize for being the most polluted, followed closely by the West Coast and the Great Lakes. Louisiana and Pennsylvania, with their Lake Erie beaches, were crowned the top offenders among the states, boasting a perfect 100% failure rate in terms of safety. Quite an achievement, isn't it?
This Stinks:
So, what's causing this tidal wave of toilet trouble? Well, it seems our sewage infrastructure is in dire need of some serious TLC. With sanitary sewers overflowing a mind-boggling 75,000 times per year, it's no wonder our beaches are becoming more like giant litter boxes. And let's not forget the role played by urban sprawl, which paves over wetlands and forests that once happily absorbed rainfall and filtered pollution. Mother Nature must be shaking her head in disappointment.
If you're still not convinced to stay out of the water, consider this: swimming in fecal-infested seas can lead to respiratory disease, ear and eye infections, and even skin rashes. Yikes! That's enough to make you appreciate a simple dip in a bathtub. And if you're a fan of shellfish, think twice before indulging. Those little critters could be carrying gastrointestinal illnesses like hepatitis A and norovirus. Shellfish roulette, anyone?
Now, I'm not here to ruin your summer vacation dreams. But it's important to stay informed and check beach advisories before making that plunge into the waves. The ocean may be vast and beautiful, but it's also filled with things that should stay far, far away from your swimsuit.
15 Florida Beaches Where Alcohol Is Legal To Drink
I fondly remember the days of drinking on Fort Myers Beach. It wasn't really legal, but we did it anyway. Going to 7-11 and getting a giant Big Gulp cup and then making a mixed drink to sip on the beach. It was so common that every Spring Breaker outside the Lani Kai was carrying a Big Gulp cup. I'm pretty sure the cops knew. Florida beaches and alcohol have always gone together.
And if you're going to drink on Fort Myers Beach, you better hide it. The Town Of Fort Myers Beach has this posted "Any person convicted of violation of Section 5 of this Ordinance may be punished by a fine not to exceed $500.00 or by imprisonment in the County jail for a period not to exceed 60 days, or both." 60 days in jail for a Mich Ultra? Seems harsh.
The grown up version is to make a drink in a giant Yeti cup. The ice lasts so much longer. That's how I do my summertime vodka cranberry down on Bonita Beach. Even though it's not actually legal to do so. There used to be a sign that says "no alcohol", but the Hurricane Ian destroyed it.
One thing to remember with alcohol on Florida beaches. It's really never ok to bring glass. Even if no one says don't bring glass - don't bring glass. If you break a bottle you'll never get all the pieces and then someone will step on it.
And it's hot here. Don't forget to alternate between booze and bottled water or you'll be hurting. That dehydration headache is a killer.
Perdido Key
Perdido Key is on the Panhandle, at the Florida - Alabama border. The local sheriff breaks down the rules:
Pensacola Beach
Pensacola Beach is in the same county as Perdido Key, so the same rules apply. Pensacola Beach does have an alcohol free "family zone" west of the pier.
Shell Island
It's ok to drink on private lots and county roads in the middle of the island, but it's illegal in the State Park area.
Panama City Beach
The PCB has a Spring Break law where no alcohol is allowed on the beach during the month of March. Also, no metal shovels are allowed on the beach, and digging holes deeper than two feet is prohibited. I'm interested in hearing whatever story caused that law. So it's legal for 11 months out of the year. PCB has had a major problem with rip currents this year. If the double red flag warning is out, drink on the beach - but stay out of the water.
Madeira Beach
On over to the Tampa - St. Pete Area. We don't call it Mad Beach for nothing. As is usually the case, no glass. I spent spring break there when I was in college. Not sure how I made it out alive.
St. Pete Beach
Rules on this beach. You can drink on the sand at beachfront hotels, but only if you're a guest of the hotel.
Treasure Island
Apparently it's ok to drink here as long as it's not day-drinking. No alcohol is allowed on the beach between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. So pack it and let it set on ice until 4pm.
Siesta Beach
We're in Sarasota County. Cans and cups, no glass. Bad behavior is not ok, so be cool.
Turtle Beach
Another Sarasota County Beach, so the same rules as Siesta.
Lido Beach
Sarasota County, so it's cool here, too.
Naples Municipal Beach
I see a lot of conflicting information on this one. Some sites say it's ok to drink on the beach. Others say it's not. I know you can't drink at the pier. You can drink on Marco Island beaches. I know people do drink on Naples Beach, but I don't know if it's really legal.
Flagler Beach
Let's move on over to the East Coast. The Sheriff's Department says this "Open containers are prohibited except on the sand of the beaches. " So finish it before you step off the sand.
Cocoa Beach
Drinking is fine, but no glass, and no pets. Sometimes there's even live music out on the sand.
Playalinda Beach
Not only can you drink here, but if you park in lot 13 that takes you to a clothing optional section of the beach. Yes, a nude beach where drinking is allowed. How have I not been here, yet?
