Ranking All 68 of the 2002 NCAA Tournament Teams By Their Mascots

The NCAA Tournament is here, and it's time to rank the most important part of the tournament: the mascots.

Sure, there's plenty of basketball analysis to be had this week, as Baylor aims to repeat, while Gonzaga looks for its first championship. But we're not here for that right now.

We need to take a look at the stuff that matters. Is a Blue Devil more fearsome than a Tiger? Is a Zip more powerful than a Hokie? Wait... what's a Zip?

So let's rank all 68 teams in the 2022 NCAA Tournament based on the all-important mascot factors. For the sake of this discussion, this is completely arbitrary. Sometimes it'll be whether one might win in a fight. Other times it might be because we're really tired of cat-based teams (we see you Wildcats, Tigers, Cougars, Catamounts, etc.).

And now, on to the important rankings:

The Titans have zero shot at winning the actual basketball tournament, and will likely get pummeled by Duke in the first round. But here in our mascot land, what's more powerful than an almighty elder god of everything? Nothing. That's what. Behold the all-powerful Titans, and their totally unrelated elephant.

While the Islanders already saw their tournament end in a First Four matchup Tuesday night, we're giving them strong mascot points. Why? Well, who doesn't want to perpetually be on an island enjoying life? And if you want to flip it, there's not much more fearsome than someone who has been isolated on the islands for their whole life. I'm not gonna mess with them, are you?

Major bonus points here for the Dons for originality. This Zorro-like mascot is about as cool as they come. Plus, we get some mafioso vibes, and that's pretty cool too.

Very few creatures inspire pretty much everyone to want to burn down their house and run away. The spiders get points here for coolness AND terrifying realness. If you need more evidence, just read this story.

It's a frog. With horns. Doesn't get much cooler than that.

The Blazers lose points for a somewhat lame name on the surface. But the actual mascot is a fire-breathing dragon, playing on the BLAZE portion of the name. And that's just freaking cool.

When it comes to fearsome, it doesn't get much scarier than a Hurricane. Bonus points for some of the coolest unis in all of basketball too. And another batch of points for Sebastian the Ibis being about as cool as it gets.

If Hurricanes are fearsome, then Cyclones by default have to be as well, since they are the same thing. A strange amount of bonus points for the geographical oddity that is a team from...IOWA being named after a water-based natural disaster. THE AUDACITY! We love it. Five more bonus points for the physical mascot being a totally unrelated bird.

These little guys have no chance in the Big Dance. But when it comes to mascots, an entire society of ancient Greek warriors sounds pretty darn intimidating to us!

Another Spartan, and probably the most recognized of the Spartans. We like the underdog story more though, so Michigan State gets ranked below Norfolk State for this discussion.

If we're including ancient warriors, the Trojans have to be right up there. Maybe a few points lost for having a giant hollow horse. But a whole lot of points gained for the best cheerleading squads in the country.

If you've ever had a zipper stuck, you understand just how intimidating it can be. Akron gets MAJOR points for the audacity of just rolling with a zipper mascot. And they get even MORE points for their mascot suit being a Kangaroo. Cause nothing says zippers like kangaroos. Just all-in on this insanity.

It saddens us greatly that UCLA doesn't run with their mascot branding more. Because a Bruin is just a bear... but with pizzazz. We'll take that.

What they don't have in pizzazz, Baylor makes up for in style. They embrace their Bears with full-force. The defending national champions get some strong points from us here.

Major points lost for not embracing the Peacock mascot on every social media platform everywhere. Major points gained for being about as cool an animal mascot as you can get.

We're not sure what a Rambler is supposed to be, but it's pretty cool. And major cool points for the amazing Sister Jean, who is the REAL mascot for Loyola. If you know, you know.

If you're coming from South Dakota, you gotta come hard with your mascot. And the Jacks do it well. If you've ever tried to catch a jackrabbit, you'll appreciate how great this mascot is. It ain't easy folks.

There are a surprising number of western-themed mascots in the field this year. The best of the bunch has to be Texas Tech.

No, we don't know why Wright State has a wolf as a Raider either. But it's our list, so we're adding them under the western theme.

We'd like Colgate a lot more if their mascot was toothpaste. But it's a guy in a hat. And he's hard to find on social media. But we like Raiders as a concept overall. So just deal with it.

Look, there's a cool Cowboy mascot that Wyoming trots out and he's a lot of fun. But what's even MORE fun is how cool Cowboy Joe the miniature pony is.

What's cooler than horses? RACE HORSES!

Major bonus points for basically having a Denver Broncos logo. Major points lost for not having a social presence for the fierce horse.

If the student that has to wear that giant mascot costume doesn't have the best neck muscles on the planet, they are doing something wrong. We'll take 'em in a fight.

We really wanted to rank this mascot lower, cause... well, look at it. But for consistency's sake we kept it here with the western-themed teams.

We really need to move the Hogs up in the rankings. This is criminally low for a cool, angry pig.

We just want to know why Duke's mascot is feeling so blue? Shouldn't a Devil be a little less sad? We think so.

There's something cool about the whole concept of Roll Tide. There really is. There is however, very little cool about a sad, blue-eyed elephant that has nothing to do with tides of any color.

We watched all the Leprechaun movies. They freaked us out. This dude is creepy, and that gives him major points in the whole fearsome mascot world. Points off for some questionable cultural tropes.

Sticking with the Irish theme, it turns out a Gael is an Irish warrior of some type. So that's cool. Kinda. And they did beat the No. 1 team in the country this year. So that's cool. Kinda.

We really wanted the Aztecs to be higher on this list, but a startling lack of ANY presence for this mascot makes us think it's gone the way of the real Aztecs. Extinct.

Ramses is one of the coolest mascots in all of sports. But... he has nothing to do with "Tar Heels" and that's a bit problematic for us. Yes, we understand that we used the opposite rationale earlier. This is our list. Deal with it.

Knights are pretty cool. They have a round table and get to wear cool shiny outfits. Make em Scarlet in color and that's enough to gain points on our list.

Did this Pirate go to Duke? Why is he so blue?

Bonus points for being one of the most Googled mascot names in the world. Major negative points for the creepy shiny head.

Based on our extensive history with Friars (hello Friar Tuck...that's all we got), we know that these monk-like dudes can be pretty fearsome. They do have some lovely chants though.

If we're talking scary, the Longhorns get some major points and should be higher on the list. But as it stands, a cow just sorta comes in the middle of the pack. We love hamburgers and all, but eh. Bevo is one of the coolest live mascots ever though. We'll give them that.

Badgers are fierce. And the honey badger variety simply does not care. But Wisconsin loses points here because they make their badger look cozy and cuddly in a striped red and white sweater.

Major, major major points off for mascot confusion here. Isn't a moc a snake? Or a shoe? But that's a bird. At least it's a cool bird. Maybe.

Why are there so many cats?!

If we are talking live mascots, nothing beats Mike the Tiger at LSU ever. He's simply the best by any measure. But we're talking ranking the whole concept of the mascot here... and we just have some issues with so many schools leaning on cats. A full 12 of the 64 teams are cats. But LSU is by far the tops among those.

They're grrrrrreat. But their mascot is not. Seriously, what is this?

Extreme points boost here for the really cool Tiger jumping out of the T logo. That's about it.

If Aubie was the Tigers' sole mascot, they'd get a boost here. But there's extreme identity crisis at Auburn. They can't decide if they are Tigers, War Eagles, Plainsman, Big Blue or Aubie. And it's just a lot. We need a little more clarity out of you.

Huge points boost for being cool and having a name like Pounce. Huge points deduction for following the Duke blue sadness vibe.

The most-used name in all of mascotland, Wildcats is so uninspiring. We'll give Arizona credit for having Wilma and Wilbur costumes though.

What. Is. That? No. Just no.

Oh look, it's another cat. They really just need to become the Fighting Steph Curry's and get it over with.

Is that a rat??? What are you doing Villanova? And did you really name him Will D Cat??? Ugh.

At least Houston has some fun with their cats.

Even Vermont doesn't take their mythical mountain cat seriously.

At least we believe a Bobcat could exist in Montana and might be scary. Thank God this is the last cat on the list.

Extreme major points for cuteness. But dogs are too beloved to really be taken seriously as mascots. Doesn't he look like the goodest boy?

What in the world is the best team in the tournament doing with that thing???

Sweet and cute? YES! Fearsome? No. Definitely no.

BOOP! Very cute.

Eagles are cool and all. But color them gold? For what reason? And we can't find a single reference to the Golden Eagles on Marquette social media. If they just went by the Fighting Letter M's we would rank them No. 1.

Why does Kansas have a 1/2 mascot? One of the best basketball programs of all time has to do better mascoting than this.

Stealing South Carolina's mascot, and stealing the Philly Phanatic. Both cardinal sins.

Nobody is taking that mascot seriously are they?

For a glorified chicken, he's pretty cool. But we're over all this unoriginality.

What is that creepy beak???

Like UNC's Ramses, only lamer.

Nothing says fierce like "Hi, I'm a person from Illinois."

If Smokey were all we were ranking here, the Vols would be top 10. But instead they are just people who Volunteer. Yeah, we know there's a bunch of history to why it's super cool and all that. But we're unimpressed.

Oh no, I'm a fierce person from Indiana!

We just realized we should have put this in the bird section, but we have a hard time putting delicious edible mascots above this ranking. Sorry giant maroon turkey guy.

It's a nut. There's nothing good about this. (Well, maybe the candy things that people call Buckeyes. But that's about it.)

Michigan hates this mascot so much, they don't even HAVE ONE. Look how excited these guys are to be in the NCAA Tournament.