Your kid is great and a joy to be around! Until he or she isn’t. Nobody wants to be told their child is picking on other kids or displaying bullying behavior.
This isn’t something that will pass. You can’t assume that they'll grow out of it. Unchecked physical or verbal bullying can lead to more aggressive antisocial behavior later on. It can affect your child's school performance now and their ability to make and keep friends and form lasting relationships later.
You have to face the problem and deal with it today.
Talking to your child about bullying behavior? The Child Mind Institute has conversation starters and ways to help them navigate social situations and make friends.
We’re all unique, and many factors can contribute to bullying behavior, but kids and teens who feel secure and supported by family, school, and peers are less likely to bully. But even the most resilient, connected kid can develop aggressive behaviors. What can lead to this negative conduct?
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' StopBullying resource site breaks down contributing factors, all relating to family, friends, and school.
Peer groups can be breeding grounds for bullying. Your child may be vying for attention to gain social power or status. Kids can be pressured into bullying to show their allegiance to their circle and establish who is and isn’t part of the clique.
Perhaps your child was or is being bullied himself? Bullying others addresses their feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem; it makes them feel more powerful.
Is your child seeing bullying, aggression, or violence at home? Does your home enviornment lack structure and consistency? Bullies can come from families where the adults respond in authoritarian or reactive ways or where they don’t respond at all with few rules and low parental involvement.
Check your schools’ policies on conduct and bullying. Do they take it seriously and offer strict guidelines on aggressive behavior and how it will be addressed? How do they look after children who are being teased, excluded, or stigmatized at school?
No matter what's causing the bullying, tell your child that it's unacceptable and establish and enforce set consequences if it continues.
Make it a learning opportunity for both of you. Be open to listening to their side and try to understand the reasons behind your child's behavior. You may discover they are having trouble fitting in at school or they don’t know how to resolve conflicts. Talk about better friendship behaviors and alternative ways to respond in peer situations. Discuss empathy and debate ways to make it right to their targets: an apology, a written note, or an invitation to play.
Don’t forget to practice what you preach, they’ll follow your examples. Don't encourage or allow name-calling, teasing, or aggressive conduct at home, and concentrate on setting good examples of patience, cooperation and recognizing good behavior.
In some cases, kids bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity. Don’t be afraid to ask for help addressing these underlying emotional challenges. Talk with guidance counselors or look for a therapist who can work with him or her to help them learn new social and emotional skills.
What does discipline look like in your home? Nemours Kid Health can help you learn how to respond appropriately to misbehavior.
It’s important to remember that kids don’t bully because they are “bad kids.” Bullying is a behavior that can be changed.
