Bullying Affects Everyone

Bullying affects everyone.  The target, the aggressor, and the bystanders can all experience a negative impact on their mental health and self-esteem.   

Just how common is bullying?   According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, about 20% of students ages 12-18 experienced bullying nationwide in 2023. 

Bullying comes in many forms.  For the students in the survey, it ranged from verbal to physical, from being the subject of rumors or lies, being made fun of or called names, to being pushed, shoved, tripped, or spit on.   Being excluded or left out was another form of bullying.   

The impact of bullying can last for years; it affects your mental health and can contribute to substance use and even suicide.  It’s not just the victim who suffers; the bully and bystanders are also affected. 

Kids who are bullied can suffer negative physical, social, emotional, and mental health issues that can last into adulthood. They are more likely to experience depression and anxiety, sadness and loneliness, and lose interest in activities they once enjoyed.  They may have more health complaints.  Bullied kids can display decreased academic performance with lower test scores, and they’re more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.   

And what about the bully?  Unchecked, today’s bully is more likely to engage in violent and other risky behaviors as he or she grows into adulthood. They’re more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs and engage in early sexual activity. They may get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school. They may fail at interpersonal relationships and be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, and future children. 

Finally, consider the bystanders.  Speak up, and you may become a target. Stay quiet and feel like a collaborator.  Kids who witness bullying are more likely to use tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs, have increased mental health problems, including depression and anxiety, and miss or skip school. 

So, what to do? If you start early to prepare your child to cope with teasing, bullying, or mean gossip before it happens, you’ll lessen its impact on them. 

Begin with an "open door policy," it’s your best tool!  Assure your child that he can tell you anything and that you will not overreact or think less of him.  Be sure she knows she should always speak to a trusted adult if he is bullied or sees someone else being bullied.

Explain what bullying is and isn’t!  Kids tease each other. It’s inevitable.  When it’s good-humored, friendly, and mutual, both kids will find it funny.  But when teasing becomes intentionally hurtful, unkind, and constant, it’s bullying. 

Make sure that he or she knows that bullying says less about the victims than it does about the bully.  No kid deserves to be treated that way.  The bully has a problem, and this is how he reacts to it.  

Help your child plan for dealing with bullies.  The first one is easy, tell someone about it.  You, a teacher, or another caregiver, if bullying is going on, make sure an adult knows what’s happening.  

Work together to come up with possible responses for bullying. The bully feeds on getting a reaction, so cut him off!  Deny him the response he wants.  

When we’re insulted, humiliated, or scared, our emotions can get the best of us.  You don’t want to add fuel to the bully’s dumpster fire by crying or throwing back insults or names.  Practice a few appropriate responses through some role-playing and come up with a few simple lines your child can use calmly and automatically before walking away.    

Teach your children about the difference between supportive allies and mob-mentality. 

Allies stand up for each other. Suggest he make a pact with his friends: If you stick up for me, I’ll stick up for you.  The best way to squash bullying is for bystanders to step up and say, “This is my friend; stop doing that.”

Kids who are afraid of becoming targets themselves will often join in with the bully and desert the victim. Teach your child to resist this herd behavior.  If she has the grit to back her friends, they will find the courage to support her.

You should find out your school’s policies and ask about early education programs about bullying. It’s never too soon to learn about treating each other with respect and empathy.     

Sooner or later they’ll share a bus or lunchroom with a bully, a little preparation now can a make a big difference on its impact.