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Florida Man Has a Machete Meltdown at Karaoke Bar

Author Budman

Well, it looks like Florida man Travis Jordan took the old saying “music soothes the savage beast” a little too seriously. According to The New York Post, after being denied his request for another karaoke song, he whipped out a machete like it was the world’s deadliest microphone. I guess he thought he could sing his way out of trouble, but instead, he sang the blues in a jail cell.

It’s a good thing that female witness at the bar was able to convince Jordan to give up the machete. I mean, I’ve heard of cutting a rug on the dance floor, but this is ridiculous! And I bet the bartender was wishing they had a “no weapons” policy instead of a “no more karaoke” policy.

But don’t worry, folks, Brevard County Sheriff Wayne Ivey has a solution for Travis Jordan’s singing woes. He joked on Facebook that Jordan’s actions have won him a trip to “Ivey’s Iron Bar Lodge” where every night is open mic night, and he can sing any song he wants all night long. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to hear “Macho Man” by the Village People with a machete-wielding karaoke singer.

Florida man:

Travis Jordan’s machete performance at the Lamp Post Tavern landed him a one-way ticket to the slammer, and he won’t be singing his way out anytime soon. He’s still in custody as of Wednesday morning, and I bet he’s regretting not practicing his humming skills now.

But in all seriousness, let’s take a moment to reflect on the moral of this story: karaoke should never be taken so seriously that we resort to pulling out weapons. I know “Livin’ on a Prayer” is a crowd favorite, but it’s not worth sacrificing our freedom for. So, let’s put down the weapons and pick up the microphones. And who knows, maybe we can all join together and sing a round of “Kumbaya.” After all, it’s hard to hold a machete and sing at the same time.

Florida Man Criminal Found Hiding In A North Fort Myers Attic With His Face Against The Air Duct To Breathe

Over the weekend the Lee County Sheriff’s Office responded to a burglary in progress at a home on 4th Way in North Fort Myers. When the cops entered the house they could hear the Florida Man criminal walking in the attic. Also, they found a 5 gallon bucket on the floor under the attic access and insulation on the floor. This Florida man needs to work on his ninja stealth abilities. But he was resourceful in other ways.

The deputies yelled for him to come down out of the attic, but Florida Man did not respond. The cops put a non lethal gas canister into the attic to smoke him out. He buried himself in the insulation with his face against the air duct system to breathe fresh air. No go on the smoke.

So they had to go up there and get him. Keep in mind how hot it gets in a Florida attic. That’s when Florida Man Bruce Davis surrendered. Dude’s covered in itchy insulation and the cops are like “we should take his picture first”. I get it, this pic could make some solid memes.

What was he doing in the house? According to LCSO “A search of the home also revealed a broken window, appliances in use, and tools scattered throughout the residence. ” Appliances in use? Was he making a smoothie? Doing laundry?  This Florida Man criminal was charged with burglary and resisting an officer.

 

 

Meet Budman, dynamic host of Marconi Award winning radio station WXKB's WiLD Bunch Morning Show, on B1039. Budman likes to write about funny news, a good Florida man story, stupid criminals or anything involving a superhero. Budman, a comic book and pop culture enthusiast, even named his daughter Kara Zor-El, after Supergirl. His only child is his true passion beyond the mic. Being a dad is his favorite role. Budman, a true family man, balances his love for radio with quality time spent with loved ones and his trusty dogs.

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